


River of Tears

by petyrbaealish



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, One Shot, Post-Episode: s06e10 The Winds of Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-25 03:50:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10756116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petyrbaealish/pseuds/petyrbaealish
Summary: A one shot inspired by the song River of Tears by Alessia Cara. Sansa reflects on her relationship with Petyr after Jon is made King in the North.





	River of Tears

**River Of Tears**

**<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4b2M5K7sbc0> **

**Still got the flowers that you sent**

He had given her so much. Petyr Baelish had saved her, orchestrated her escape from King’s Landing. Prevented her Aunt Lysa from throwing her through the wind whipped expanse of the moon door, to crash upon the craggy rocks below. He had jeopardized his plans, to kill her aunt far sooner than he had intended, protecting Sansa from Lysa’s unhinged wrath. And he had taught her, cherished her, helped her change and grow, to survive in this cruel world they called home.

**And the note you wrote that said that we were meant to be forever**

The song of the mockingbird had taken her in. She thought she knew what he wanted. He was a man of many secrets, one not easily read. But she had studied him throughout their time together. Sansa had cataloged every word, every gesture, attempting to draw a conclusion as to the character of her protecter. And she had felt that she knew him, as no one else did. She had been so sure he loved her. And she, she had been beginning to feel the same.

**I keep them all as evidence**

In all of their time apart, her suffering great as Ramsay Bolton’s wife in the home that had once been so dear to her, she had found solace in him. In his touch, the memories of his raspy voice bewitching her with wit and intelligence. She had believed him when he said he cared for her. When he said he was helping her to reclaim her home. She waited for him. Waited for him to come back to her, to save her from the situation he had brought her into.

**In a drawer under the mirror, filled with empty promises**

But as time bled on, Sansa had slowly lost faith. He hadn’t come. He would never come. He had lied. Hadn’t he told her they were all liars? And it seemed he was the greatest liar of all, singing songs to her to bend her to his own agenda. He had never truly cared. It was all just a game to him, after all. She tucked her thoughts of him into the back of her mind, time and the harshness of reality warping her memories of him until his name brought nothing more than a sour taste in her mouth.

**I don't know why**

When she and Theon, the broken slip of a man that had deeply betrayed her family, had managed inexplicably to escape, she had found herself at the Wall, reunited with her half brother. She had not needed the mockingbird after all. And yet, when he suddenly returned to her once again, asking to meet her, she couldn’t help but go to him. After everything that had happened, he still had a hold on her.

**I keep letting you lie to me**

Sansa met him despite her better judgement, though in truth she wasn’t sure what she hoped to accomplish. When she saw his face again, those eyes usually so hard to read now filled with such pain and sorrow, the hurt she had pushed away had risen to the surface once again, bubbling insistently under her still bruised skin. She had scoffed at his insistence that he had known nothing of Ramsay’s character. One of the most intelligent and well informed men in Westeros truly hadn’t known anything of her husband’s brutal nature? And yet, she still could not help but see the truth in his words. He was not infallible, after all. But no, no, it was all just a sweet song, nothing more. Words to soften her, to make her forgive him for what he had done.

**Hard as I try**

But even so, as she struggled to discern the veracity of his words, of his intent, she could make no headway. And it hurt. Oh gods, did it hurt. It hurt to remember how he had abandoned her. It hurt to see the pain etched on his face. It hurt to hate him. And she could not kill him. She had asked what he would do if she wanted him to die. And he had said, “Then I will die.” And damn him to the seven hells, her heart had responded with a resounding twinge. No, she could not kill him.

**It seems I can't break away**

But she could not stay with him either. She sent him away. And hoped to move on, to tear him from the hold he still had on her heart. But Jon had proven woefully incompetent as they worked to rally the North to their cause, to reclaim Winterfell. And so she had no choice but to seek out her mockingbird again. And he answered the call.

**I thought that you would be the hero**

Sansa had always been so entranced with the tales of handsome knights rescuing fair maidens from great peril. But no such knight had come to her. No such knight had used his bravery and brawn to spirit her away from the violent boy king and his wretched family. Instead it had been a man of great cunning, wielding words rather than a sword, sweeping her away with his wings to carry her. She had thought then, and many times after, that heroes did not always come in those picture perfect packages as she had always been taught. Perhaps one could be heroic without noble purpose or skill with weaponry. She had no illusions that he was a good man, but all the same, he had saved her.

**Come and save the day**

He had saved her twice. And she had thought he might save her again. She had trusted his judgement in the arrangement with the Boltons. And after a wedding night filled with pain and anguish, she had still clung to him, hoping that he would save her once again.

**But you're a villain**

But he hadn’t. And she had gone through unspeakable horrors in his absence. He had betrayed her. And perhaps she was only just a stupid girl after all. She had thought him her imperfect hero. But there were no heroes in this story.

**Your sins unforgiven**

He had come to her aid once again, helping save Jon and what remained of his pitiful army after they were nearly slaughtered by her husband’s army. He had helped them reclaim their home. But it wasn’t enough to erase the bruises she had endured, on her body, and on her soul. There would never be any salve to cure those hurts.

**I'm going down, and you have watched me drown**

Sansa had fallen so far, as if she had never been saved from that plunge through the moon door. And he had led her there, watching as she struggled to make purchase with only air in her grasp.

**In a river of tears, lost beneath the stream**

She had not yet cried for all that had happened to her. She found she couldn’t. There were some hurts so great that the tears built up inside, a torrent rushing against a dam built out of the pain that had hollowed her out so long ago. It would come, sooner or later. That dam would break, and the river would finally be released.

**Under the waves, I've found the strength to say**

And she would drown.

**The river of tears has washed me clean**

But in drowning there would come relief. She would resurface, born anew.

**Go 'head and wish me well**

And maybe then she wouldn’t be entranced by the mockingbird’s song anymore.

**I'll cry a wishing well**

Sansa would gain what she wished from letting that dam break, her tears, her salvation, her escape.

**I'll fly before I fail**

She would break free of that cage, and soar.

**I'll set sail and drift away**

Her tears taking her away from the mockingbird, away from his song, away from his influence.

**So I won't need you here**

She wouldn’t need him anymore. Sansa could save herself.

**Love sinks and hope floats**

The love she had held for him had only brought her down. But the hope of breaking free had kept her afloat.

**In a river of tears**

But isn’t it funny, how life is. He had shown her a glimpse behind those grey-green eyes, there under the heart tree. And Sansa knew he truly loved her. The mockingbird had painted a picture, and she couldn’t deny that it was a pretty picture indeed. But such hurts weren’t easily forgiven. She denied his advances, and left, the dam threatening to break, the river suddenly changing course, attempting to carry her to him, instead of away from him.

**In a river of tears**

Her half brother had been declared King in the North, and though she kept herself in check at the time, her carefully constructed mask wasn’t likely to hold long. After everything she had done to regain her home, they had pushed her aside in favor of another. Sansa left the hall while the night was still young, footsteps carrying her to the mockingbird’s quarters. A knock on his door, and he was there, and the dam crumbled to ashes, as she fell into his arms, the river carrying her right back where she belonged.

**Author's Note:**

> My first one shot, and only my second attempt at fanfiction! If you like this, please check out my other work, The Wolf Who Lived, a Harry Potter and Game of Thrones crossover about Petyr and Sansa.
> 
> Thoughts and kudos appreciated!


End file.
